Finance & Relationships

[FZ1_ARAO]

So lemme ask my FZ1 Extended Family members how they deal with finances in relationship/marriages? Specially when one partner has significantly more assets than the other...

Do you have a Single/Joint account? 2 Separate accounts? Separate & Joint account? How do you contribute to common expenses, equal, percentage of salary?

Just curious as to what works for you guys (as things in India, my native country are very different), which does not work here as I learned in my first marriage...

[Racer Boy]

We each have our own accounts that we had when we got married last August, but have opened a joint account. We put a percentage (80% +) of our own checks into the joint account, although I foresee us ending up going ahead and depositing our entire checks into the joint account at some point.

I make more than my spouse, but it isn't a huge difference. It helps that we agree on finances, and are both pretty good with money.

[t84a]

Unless you're married, I wouldn't get anything "joint."

[fizzyrider]

Originally Posted by FZ1_ARAO

Do you have a Single/Joint account? 2 Separate accounts? Separate & Joint account? How do you contribute to common expenses, equal, percentage of salary?

This is the second marriage for both my wife and me, and we were both single and self sufficient for years before we got together. So obviously that plays into it. And we both work.

We decided to keep our bank accounts separate, but we contribute to all living expenses by percentage of income. This way, she doesn't complain about me spending $$ on track days or buying rear tires for the FZ1 (AGAIN??? ) and I don't have to give her the stink eye when she goes shopping for shoes, or clothes or jewelry or what have you.

Statistics have consistently shown that the No. 1 thing couples argue over is money.

We never argue about money. Never.

Your results may vary.

How you healing up?

[MotoPD]

We combined our finances about six months after we got married and it has worked pretty well with only a few spats here and there. It's a mixed blessing that my wife is very tight with money. I couldn't handle someone who just blew cash but every once in a while it can be irritating if I want to buy something and she doesn't think it's a good idea. It's like anything else in marriage, give and take. The only thing that still weirds me out is that, because I only use a debit card, she knows everything I spend.

If there are going to be large amounts in an account it's usually good to have it in joint that way it passes outside of an estate if one were to die unexpectedly. Also, if a spouse counts on money in an account you wouldn't want them to lose access when they would likely need it the most. Most of us, I assume, wouldn't have enough in there to make that a real issue though.

[grommet]

Married 20 years, 1 account works fine.

The key is not money, it's effective communication.

Hope you are doing well, Arvind. Hope to see you later this year.

[VA_rider]

My wife and I have a joint account, and joint credit cards. Then we each have our own bank account.

Regular purchases come out of the joint account... when I buy photography stuff/bike stuff, it comes out of my personal account.. when she buys ... whatever it is that she buys, it comes out of her personal account... both of our paychecks go into the joint account.. my personal account is funded by transactions I make online selling camera gear.. selling bike stuff... her's is funded by gifts she/we receive and a little bit of an allotment from our paychecks...

I'm really the big spender of the family... you give me $1000, I'll spend in on camera gear, turn around and sell it all for $1500... then re-invest that into more gear... same with motorcycle stuff.... I get a lot of fun toys out of the deal.... with the wife... you give her $1000, she puts it into retirement accounts for the both of us and savings accounts, money market accounts, etc. .... her big purchases are typically books and whatnot...

Any money I make with pictures I take at track events and portrait sessions and whatnot is mine to keep and play with as I'm the one who puts the work into it... but I also take a portion of that cash and set it aside for vacations with the wife and dinners out on the town and whatnot...

The whole monetary system the wife and I have is a little confusing at times.. but it works for us... I don't complain about what she spends.. she doesn't complain when I drop $4k on a camera.. as long as all of our bills get paid and we're putting some cash away for the future, we're both happy.

[i2iweb]

I recently entered into my second marriage two months ago and even though it took a lot of thought on my behalf we finally opened a joint account. In my first marriage I was the only income for most of the time so therefore I handled most of the finances and while I was single that worked great for me.

I do make about 30% more than my second wife and when we finally decided to open a joint account we both have 80% of our incomes going into that account to where we pay bills and household expenses from. The 20% that we have going to our own personal accounts can be spent by us on whatever the heck we want without question which does cut out on a lot of money related arguments.

The only drawback I thought of was that it takes a little longer to save when I want to get new toys but in the long run I guess it's not really a drawback because we manage to put a lot more cash away for a rainy day.

[pokihokie]

Married nearly 22 years. Always had one family account. The "real" income goes in there and pays for all the household expenses. Right now, I'm the only one that has a significant job, so basically, all the family money is from me. When my wife was working full time, she also put her check in this account. She works very part time and puts that money into her own account. She does whatever she wants with that and I don't care. I have my separate business account. Money I earn outside regular employment goes there. I get to do with it as I wish. Works out fine for us.

I've seen somewhare - no citation - that couples that do not pool their finances are much more likley to split. I think there is a measure of "active" committment that goes with letting someone else have access to the fruits of your labor. This is good in any relationship.

[ScottyJFZ1]

Originally Posted by pokihokie

Married nearly 22 years. Always had one family account. The "real" income goes in there and pays for all the household expenses. Right now, I'm the only one that has a significant job, so basically, all the family money is from me. When my wife was working full time, she also put her check in this account. She works very part time and puts that money into her own account. She does whatever she wants with that and I don't care. I have my separate business account. Money I earn outside regular employment goes there. I get to do with it as I wish. Works out fine for us.

I've seen somewhare - no citation - that couples that do not pool their finances are much more likley to split. I think there is a measure of "active" committment that goes with letting someone else have access to the fruits of your labor. This is good in any relationship.

Agree hard to be on the same team yet have seperate stuff... Only way IMHO to make it work is pool everything and have open door to each others issues credit card debt , track habit etc... communication is key...

[takimanpgt]

Arvind - from what I recall - my parents always had a joint account in India so I didn't know any better when I got married.

For my spouse and I - 90% of earnings goes into a joint account. From there, I have splits going into other accounts for various purposes but she has access to the others as well, if needed. 10% goes into a rainy day fund that is used primarily for vacations (trips to India are EXPENSIVE!), toys, shoes, handbags, impulse purchases, whatever fits the mood. We don't argue about money but we do debate before a large purchase... She's a saver while I am the spendthrift. The saving grace is communication.... over-communication some days (mint.com works great if you don't like talking about it! She'll know before you go home ).

I don't fault those that have separate accounts and what not but I think the key to a happy marriage is the co-dependence, NOT the independence and joint accounts are one more step to the co-dependence.

So - why the question suddenly? Are you proposing?

[fizzyrider]

Originally Posted by ScottyJFZ1

Agree hard to be on the same team yet have seperate stuff...

I maintain it is not difficult at all. What does "stuff" have to do with anything?

So you use your wife's makeup and she wears your socks?

[Barb]

Still together nearly 41 years and everything goes into one account. We discuss big purchases, do what we want on the small stuff. When times are tough, we know that we can or can't do. When times are good, we spend more. Never had a big problem so far. Then again, I don't have a husband that spends, drinks and gambles, thank goodness. Sometimes he has to encourage me to spend money on myself. It's called the honor system.

[FZ1_ARAO]

Originally Posted by grommet

Hope you are doing well, Arvind. Hope to see you later this year.

Originally Posted by fizzyrider

How you healing up?

Right now am in the process of taking baby steps towards walking (literally)

Hopefully will be riding soon, after I manage to convince my GF, which will be a whole new thread !!!!

Thanks to all for responding & keep them coming...

[FZ1_ARAO]

Originally Posted by takimanpgt

Arvind - from what I recall - my parents always had a joint account in India so I didn't know any better when I got married.

Yeah I agree & thats what I did in my First/prev marriage, but when I got divorced, I got financially screwed as I had saved up significantly more, hence my financialcommitmentophobia !!!

Also have a son from prev marriage, so dont want to jeopradize his financial responsibility...

[ScottyJFZ1]

Originally Posted by fizzyrider

I maintain it is not difficult at all. What does "stuff" have to do with anything?

So you use your wife's makeup and she wears your socks?

Not the stuff you buy silly

Same team different dugout or same team different batting box...

Not saying you can't do it just "IMHO" having everything together makes so there are no surpirses or reasons to hide, but you can argue that has more to do with your communication with yr SO than it does where your money goes...

to each their own...

[takimanpgt]

Originally Posted by FZ1_ARAO

Yeah I agree & thats what I did in my First/prev marriage, but when I got divorced, I got financially screwed as I had saved up significantly more, hence my financialcommitmentophobia !!!

Also have a son from prev marriage, so dont want to jeopradize his financial responsibility...

In that case, having a separate bank account for a primary portion of your salary and a secondary joint account may make better sense. Use the secondary to pay your monthly expenses. And the primary for your child care and other payments. You'll have to figure out how much to put in each so that it is fair to both your previous life and your current life.

<I am not a lawyer but I like to play one on the internet>

<Enough Scotch will get such situations worked out automatically>

[eflyguy]

First marriage, one account, didn't last. Second marriage, we keep finances to ourselves, good so far.

Not saying money had anything to do with it, but there's no reason to have a joint account unless she's totally dependent on you. My wife isn't, although she has two cards that I pay for living expenses.
..a

[okaugust]

Originally Posted by eflyguy

First marriage, one account, didn't last. Second marriage, we keep finances to ourselves, good so far.

On this. One acct it often seems like one person is in control of the money (and sometimes with good reason) and that harbors poor feelings between both.

Mike and I got married, we kept our own accts but after a while got a joint acct. Then after more time we had each other added to our accts as users, just in case something happens. You can choose to see or not see those accts on line, so for the most part we ignore what each other does with them but know we can see if we want. We agree on what money is paying what bills and from whose pay, generally, and the rest is up to us.

This is nice because we can get each other gifts and the like and not have to worry about the other person seeing it show up on the credit card statement before the package is on the doorstep.

It takes a while to get to "our" though. I make double what he makes, and before it was "my" house and I felt like it was all on "my" head. Now we have a new place that is "our" place and it feels like we both have more invested with everything across the board. He didn't do anything to foster that feeling, it was mine, but it's nice to see things evolve in a positive way.

[loosenut]

My wife and I put it all in joint accounts. We just don't spend signifigant amounts of money with talking with each other. However, I my wife and I married at 19 years old (now 42) and it was easy to start out like that.